I... may have already seen him, in the tavern that new arrivals come in. And, yes, I did draw my knives. I'm probably lucky that I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sorry, I should have been the one to warn you. I wasn't sure if it was specifically drow upbringing that meant I thought he was our sort of drider, or just normal Underdark caution.
[Bel isn't sure of the time window here. It could be that the two events were close enough in time that he wouldn't have a chance.]
Oh? Oh! Well, that's no problem. I mean, if he had actually been dangerous, a heads-up would have been important, but the more I talk to him, the more he just seems lost and scared.
I...did try to climb the questboard to get away when I saw him. Not my proudest moment. Spiders can climb far better than I.
Have you ever seen one? One of our sorts of driders?
Not up close. My hometown wasn't large enough to really have the sort of powerful people who draw the ire of the Spider Queen. One person becoming a drider was the sort of thing that people still talked about centuries later.
Didn't stop my next-oldest brother: Kyorlindraa, the one that became a wizard, of being terrified of becoming one. He really took to heart all the stories about powerful male wizards pissing off a high-ranking priestess or being deemed insufficiently loyal to Lolth.
When I was working as a caravan guard, we saw them occasionally outside cities, but they kept their distance as long as you stayed in a large group.
As for Olivine... well, I think he made it clear males of his sort don't visit the surface, so it's easy to be sympathetic, since both of us remember what that was like. It helps that he looks... well, like one creature, not what happens when a spiteful goddess adds spider parts to a drow
I got a very good look at one, in the Shadow-Cursed lands outside Reithwin town. Luckily, he didn't see me. Or maybe he didn't care. It was weird; he was part of the cult of the Absolute, and I assume that meant he had an illithid tadpole in his brain. It's possible, even likely, that he wasn't the nicest person even before all that, but it seems terribly unfair to have been cursed twice.
But yes. I don't think Olivine even knows how to fight. I'm going to try to keep an eye out for him, when I can.
... And here I thought the silver lining of the transformation was that magic works differently on driders as opposed to drow. One would hope you'd at least get to be immune to mind flayer bullshit, after getting your body altered, your mind scrambled, and driven out from your home ans society
[Between Barcus and some of the others, Bel knows there was some illithid bullshit going on around Baldur's Gate recently, and it was resolved but it still is the sort of thing he finds troubling.]
Olivine did threaten to bite me, but only after I drew my knives. But that doesn't mean he can fight. I don't have a problem keeping my own eyes on him; I at least know more than most people about spider body language.
It's an awful thought, isn't it? I suppose it's possible he chose to join the Absolute, but even at that rate it wouldn't have been a decision made with sound mind.
[Some people cannot be saved. At the time, Barcus didn't feel any compassion for Kar'niss at all, but in retrospect...yeah, he's a little sorry.]
We're in agreement, then. I'm glad. I'm sure he needs friends and we're the poster children for people from the Underdark being able to get along.
The other thing I wanted to talk about is...well. I'm sorry if I've been a little off the past day or so.
Was it just some bad days? I noticed you were upset, but I didn't think it was because of anything I did.
[Yes, Bel did need to consider it. He's very new to this 'romantic relationship' thing, and so is a bit nervous. On the other hand, Bel is also old enough to know that Barcus has a life outside of him, and things happen that have nothing to do with him.]
Oh...! No, it was nothing you did, dear. I'm so sorry if I worried you at all.
Ashton and Orym and Dorian are all very much...official now? Inasmuch as any romantic relationship can be official, and of course I saw that coming a mile away, and I'm happy for them, but it does rather drive the point home that I'm not really...one of them. Is it weird that I wanted to be? Not that I want to be in a relationship with them all, necessarily, just to belong.
Then I started thinking about how the last time I felt like I was a part of anything resembling a family, I was nineteen years old, and then I got to wondering if I'm the entirety of the problem, and excessive soul-searching is exhausting.
I haven't come to any conclusions and I didn't want to come cry about it on your shoulder, you deserve better than that, but I suppose being honest about what's going on in my head is...the right thing to do?
Well, if you want a confession of my own, when I saw you four at the shibari workshop, I assumed they were opening up to let you in. And I was... jealous, I suppose. That they had that, and that you were getting that, and that maybe I wanted something like that. Not necessarily with them, though I like Ashton and Dorian... I haven't really spoken to Orym. But I thought I was being too greedy, since I had you, and my friends here, and everything.
I don't know about family. I think I still don't really understand what it means to non-drow, since I've just figured out the difference between 'belonging with' someone and 'belonging to' someone.
But given what you've built here in such a short time, I don't think you're the problem.
[This is a shocking revelation to him. Perhaps there are a few remnants of prejudice left to clear from his head, because his instinctive assumption has always been that Bel is independent, like a cat. Strong enough on his own not to need anyone else, even if he enjoys the tenderness between them.
In the Underdark, drow have hierarchies, more so than families, at least if everything Barcus has heard is true. Bel broke free of all that, and the possibility that he might want something akin, but better...well, that shouldn't be a surprise. Who wouldn't? Who doesn't want a little corner where they belong, and can feel safe and accepted?]
Ashton likes you. He appreciated you teaching him to dance. And when we were buried in that cliff, he said something about how maybe the both of us could come to his world, with him and Dorian and Orym.
Granted, neither of us was thinking clearly at the time, we both had head injuries.
[This is rambling, mostly, to steady his mind while he wraps it around the paradigm shift Bel has confronted him with, but after those few words and a brief, confused silence, he gets up and tucks the bird in his pocket to come looking for Bel within the house and yard, needing to see him face to face.]
[Bel is still thinking about his response to that, because at the moment planning for the future seems difficult -- he doesn't even know if something other than 'go home or stay here' will be an option, after all, and planning feels too much like an invitation to something to ruin them]
[He's seated in the living room, toying with the quill on his bird device, thinking about how to respond, if Barcus wants to speak to him in person.]
[The gnome seeks him out and finds him quickly, much to his relief. He makes a beeline for Bel, climbing up onto the couch beside him and kneeling there as he reaches up to cup his face gently in both hands.] I'm going to try never to take you for granted, findal.
[And maybe he should have come to Bel to talk this over in the first place. After all, they both have the experience of having left the Underdark and had to adjust to the surface. They come from different backgrounds, but they comment on the parallels all the time. Small wonder if they feel the same way about certain things.]
I want you to belong with me. Whatever that means for you, we can...we'll figure it out together.
[At this point, Barcus can see how Bel's body language changes when Barcus approaches, just adjusting to make it more comfortable given their height difference.]
Thank you. Thank you for talking to me about it. I... probably wouldn't have said anything until you did. You know I'm not used to getting so much of what I want.
Every time you say something like that it trips me up. [He strokes across his cheekbones with both thumbs, as soft a touch as an artificer could manage.]
The idea that I'm part of something you want. You seem so independent, but you always listen when I come to you. Will you come to me, too, when you need me?
[Bel is tempted to pull Barcus onto his lap, but he's always careful to not use his greater size to physically move Barcus. He does gesture to Barcus in invitation]
I'll try. I'm not used to being able to go to people. But... just because I can survive on my own doesn't mean I want to. I like having people around me. I like being allowed to care for people. To get attached.
[He appreciates that respect, but sometimes it's nice to be manhandled, too. By the right person. Right now, he's just happy to accept that invitation, slipping easily into Bel's lap, sideways so he can wrap one arm around his shoulders and tuck his head against his neck.
...and finds himself struck, suddenly, but the certainty that he does belong here, with this man. They can both belong elsewhere, as well, or together with others, but this, more than anything else around him, fits.]
Well, then. I'll stop holding back. You're well and truly stuck with me now, love.
[So Bel hadn't really been thinking too much about what this all meant, just what he felt and how Barcus was responding. His breath caught in his throat at Barcus using that particular endearment.]
[Saying it as an endearment, rather than a confession, has a little space to it. A sense of plausible deniability. When Bel questions him, though, Barcus decides deniability is the worst thing for the both of them right now.]
Too much too soon? [He asks, squeezing gently.] Or just the right amount?
The thought has crossed my mind before now, but...you know how I worry about being too clingy.
[See, now, that's the kind of response that could sting, except context makes it obvious that that's Bel's uncertainty talking, rather than rejection.]
I've never used the word boyfriend, myself. It seems...well, I haven't been a boy for a while. [But that's mere semantics.]
I've loved a lot of people. I can love more than one person at once. I think I need to love more than one person at once. [If anything good comes out of this mad scramble for connection Barcus has been undergoing the past few days, it's that realization. His heart is full and demands as many outlets as it can get, whether romantic or platonic.
But Bel is special.] You and I fit together. That doesn't have to diminish what we feel for anyone else. It can stand on its own.
[...and maybe that should be the ultimate goal with Ashton, and Dorian, and Orym. Rather than trying to be a part of them, he should forge his own individual bonds with each one, and just...see where that leaves them. They can stand on their own, and then stand together.]
[Bel is silent for a while, just holding Barcus close to him while he thinks about what this means. Because it probably says some things about himself that while he knew Barcus had been open about them both having other lovers, that Bel assumes he'd always be a second choice to any one with options.]
When I first arrived here, I told Finnick that I'd never been 'in love'. I've loved family, but...
[... but always with the understanding that any drow who didn't want to suffer had to put the leader of the family, or more senior members, first.]
You're going to have to put up with me being very awkward and ridiculous. More so than I normally am, Barcus, love.
[He's trying out the words, to see how they sound on his tongue. And how he feels about this. And he thinks he likes it.]
[It feels sweet to be held. Safe and warm and strangely domestic. Here he thought forging a romance with his roommate might be awkward or too much, too fast. Instead it feels very natural to just...be together. He's so used to fighting for every scrap of intimacy he can get, for it to be at his fingertips all the time is an incredible change.
When Bel speaks again, he nods against him humming softly. Love and in love are different, and sometimes it's a subtle distinction.]
You're not awkward or ridiculous. [He protests, grinning because he hears what's actually being said here and it makes his heart soar.] You're actually very suave, I think!
[And then he looks up and kisses him, gentle and almost shy.] Love. Thank you, love.
Be you. That's all I want you to be. [He makes a soft mm sound at the returned kiss, relaxing in Bel's arms in a way that suggests he's in no hurry to go anywhere. This feels good. Better than good.]
[If you had told Bel of a year ago how much enjoyment he'd get from physical affection that was not intended as foreplay, he wouldn't have believed it. Not that he objects to physical affection that is the start of foreplay, but he's learning he enjoys it on its own merits. ]
[So he's quite happy to hold Barcus and trade kisses.]
You know, the same applies to you. Whatever happens in the future, and whatever roles you need to step into, I want you to be Barcus Wroot for me.
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branchandroot
Re: text, @brilliantretort
Date: 2025-05-08 04:46 pm (UTC)I'm sorry, I should have been the one to warn you. I wasn't sure if it was specifically drow upbringing that meant I thought he was our sort of drider, or just normal Underdark caution.
[Bel isn't sure of the time window here. It could be that the two events were close enough in time that he wouldn't have a chance.]
no subject
Date: 2025-05-09 04:32 am (UTC)I...did try to climb the questboard to get away when I saw him. Not my proudest moment. Spiders can climb far better than I.
Have you ever seen one? One of our sorts of driders?
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Date: 2025-05-09 04:56 pm (UTC)Didn't stop my next-oldest brother: Kyorlindraa, the one that became a wizard, of being terrified of becoming one. He really took to heart all the stories about powerful male wizards pissing off a high-ranking priestess or being deemed insufficiently loyal to Lolth.
When I was working as a caravan guard, we saw them occasionally outside cities, but they kept their distance as long as you stayed in a large group.
As for Olivine... well, I think he made it clear males of his sort don't visit the surface, so it's easy to be sympathetic, since both of us remember what that was like. It helps that he looks... well, like one creature, not what happens when a spiteful goddess adds spider parts to a drow
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Date: 2025-05-10 09:00 pm (UTC)But yes. I don't think Olivine even knows how to fight. I'm going to try to keep an eye out for him, when I can.
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Date: 2025-05-11 02:21 am (UTC)[Between Barcus and some of the others, Bel knows there was some illithid bullshit going on around Baldur's Gate recently, and it was resolved but it still is the sort of thing he finds troubling.]
Olivine did threaten to bite me, but only after I drew my knives. But that doesn't mean he can fight. I don't have a problem keeping my own eyes on him; I at least know more than most people about spider body language.
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Date: 2025-05-11 02:56 pm (UTC)[Some people cannot be saved. At the time, Barcus didn't feel any compassion for Kar'niss at all, but in retrospect...yeah, he's a little sorry.]
We're in agreement, then. I'm glad. I'm sure he needs friends and we're the poster children for people from the Underdark being able to get along.
The other thing I wanted to talk about is...well. I'm sorry if I've been a little off the past day or so.
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Date: 2025-05-11 03:03 pm (UTC)[Yes, Bel did need to consider it. He's very new to this 'romantic relationship' thing, and so is a bit nervous. On the other hand, Bel is also old enough to know that Barcus has a life outside of him, and things happen that have nothing to do with him.]
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Date: 2025-05-12 09:48 pm (UTC)Ashton and Orym and Dorian are all very much...official now? Inasmuch as any romantic relationship can be official, and of course I saw that coming a mile away, and I'm happy for them, but it does rather drive the point home that I'm not really...one of them. Is it weird that I wanted to be? Not that I want to be in a relationship with them all, necessarily, just to belong.
Then I started thinking about how the last time I felt like I was a part of anything resembling a family, I was nineteen years old, and then I got to wondering if I'm the entirety of the problem, and excessive soul-searching is exhausting.
I haven't come to any conclusions and I didn't want to come cry about it on your shoulder, you deserve better than that, but I suppose being honest about what's going on in my head is...the right thing to do?
no subject
Date: 2025-05-12 10:42 pm (UTC)I don't know about family. I think I still don't really understand what it means to non-drow, since I've just figured out the difference between 'belonging with' someone and 'belonging to' someone.
But given what you've built here in such a short time, I don't think you're the problem.
Does that help?
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Date: 2025-05-12 10:55 pm (UTC)In the Underdark, drow have hierarchies, more so than families, at least if everything Barcus has heard is true. Bel broke free of all that, and the possibility that he might want something akin, but better...well, that shouldn't be a surprise. Who wouldn't? Who doesn't want a little corner where they belong, and can feel safe and accepted?]
Ashton likes you. He appreciated you teaching him to dance. And when we were buried in that cliff, he said something about how maybe the both of us could come to his world, with him and Dorian and Orym.
Granted, neither of us was thinking clearly at the time, we both had head injuries.
[This is rambling, mostly, to steady his mind while he wraps it around the paradigm shift Bel has confronted him with, but after those few words and a brief, confused silence, he gets up and tucks the bird in his pocket to come looking for Bel within the house and yard, needing to see him face to face.]
[text -> action]
Date: 2025-05-13 12:27 am (UTC)[He's seated in the living room, toying with the quill on his bird device, thinking about how to respond, if Barcus wants to speak to him in person.]
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Date: 2025-05-13 03:02 am (UTC)[And maybe he should have come to Bel to talk this over in the first place. After all, they both have the experience of having left the Underdark and had to adjust to the surface. They come from different backgrounds, but they comment on the parallels all the time. Small wonder if they feel the same way about certain things.]
I want you to belong with me. Whatever that means for you, we can...we'll figure it out together.
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Date: 2025-05-13 03:20 am (UTC)Thank you. Thank you for talking to me about it. I... probably wouldn't have said anything until you did. You know I'm not used to getting so much of what I want.
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Date: 2025-05-13 03:56 am (UTC)The idea that I'm part of something you want. You seem so independent, but you always listen when I come to you. Will you come to me, too, when you need me?
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Date: 2025-05-13 02:04 pm (UTC)I'll try. I'm not used to being able to go to people. But... just because I can survive on my own doesn't mean I want to. I like having people around me. I like being allowed to care for people. To get attached.
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Date: 2025-05-13 02:45 pm (UTC)...and finds himself struck, suddenly, but the certainty that he does belong here, with this man. They can both belong elsewhere, as well, or together with others, but this, more than anything else around him, fits.]
Well, then. I'll stop holding back. You're well and truly stuck with me now, love.
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Date: 2025-05-13 02:48 pm (UTC)[So Bel hadn't really been thinking too much about what this all meant, just what he felt and how Barcus was responding. His breath caught in his throat at Barcus using that particular endearment.]
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Date: 2025-05-13 02:57 pm (UTC)Too much too soon? [He asks, squeezing gently.] Or just the right amount?
The thought has crossed my mind before now, but...you know how I worry about being too clingy.
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Date: 2025-05-13 03:01 pm (UTC)[Sorry, Barcus, Bel is still trying to wrap his head around the fact things are being reciprocated by you, so he's saying some stupid shit.]
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Date: 2025-05-13 03:09 pm (UTC)I've never used the word boyfriend, myself. It seems...well, I haven't been a boy for a while. [But that's mere semantics.]
I've loved a lot of people. I can love more than one person at once. I think I need to love more than one person at once. [If anything good comes out of this mad scramble for connection Barcus has been undergoing the past few days, it's that realization. His heart is full and demands as many outlets as it can get, whether romantic or platonic.
But Bel is special.] You and I fit together. That doesn't have to diminish what we feel for anyone else. It can stand on its own.
[...and maybe that should be the ultimate goal with Ashton, and Dorian, and Orym. Rather than trying to be a part of them, he should forge his own individual bonds with each one, and just...see where that leaves them. They can stand on their own, and then stand together.]
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Date: 2025-05-13 03:26 pm (UTC)When I first arrived here, I told Finnick that I'd never been 'in love'. I've loved family, but...
[... but always with the understanding that any drow who didn't want to suffer had to put the leader of the family, or more senior members, first.]
You're going to have to put up with me being very awkward and ridiculous. More so than I normally am, Barcus, love.
[He's trying out the words, to see how they sound on his tongue. And how he feels about this. And he thinks he likes it.]
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Date: 2025-05-14 02:06 am (UTC)When Bel speaks again, he nods against him humming softly. Love and in love are different, and sometimes it's a subtle distinction.]
You're not awkward or ridiculous. [He protests, grinning because he hears what's actually being said here and it makes his heart soar.] You're actually very suave, I think!
[And then he looks up and kisses him, gentle and almost shy.] Love. Thank you, love.
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Date: 2025-05-14 02:17 am (UTC)[Barcus is getting kissed back. Repeatedly.]
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Date: 2025-05-14 11:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-05-15 12:24 am (UTC)[So he's quite happy to hold Barcus and trade kisses.]
You know, the same applies to you. Whatever happens in the future, and whatever roles you need to step into, I want you to be Barcus Wroot for me.
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