[Caldera] Inbox

[lettersfrombel]

[OOC Note: Make Pretty Later]

Comments

Voice, @brilliantretort

[lost_and_foundry]

[Late in the evening of the mingle, Bel's bird starts to whisper in a familiar voice:]

Bel. Bel?

...

Bel?

What does your name mean?

[Your roommate is drunk texting you, what do?]

Re: Voice, @brilliantretort

[lettersfrombel]

Barcus?

Why are you asking?

[lost_and_foundry]

I am having a wonderful evening.

It just occurred to me that drow names often mean things. Not like gnome names. I mean ours mean things too but mine just means a little like mushroom bark or something
but then you get a drow name that means something like poisonous rune or queen of daggers
and honestly I think that's where gnome culture is lacking.

If we named ourselves things like will break your shins with my pickaxe if you look at me funny we would get much more respect.

You should try this wine some time.

[lettersfrombel]

Trust me, drow culture also has some pretty dreadful names, especially for males. And I suspect my mother picked it because she liked the sound, more than for the meaning.

But it means 'burning ruler'.

[lost_and_foundry]

Burning. That could be a good thing or a bad thing, I suppose. I've always thought of you as more playful than fiery.

[lettersfrombel]

Playful isn't typically considered a drow virtue. Unless you mean the same way Satchel plays with whatever she thinks might be a mouse.

[Which is very cute when you are far larger than a cat.]

[lost_and_foundry]

Well, are you fiery, then? Tell me what I'm missing.

[lettersfrombel]

I don't think I am. Warm, certainly. Again, not normally considered a virtue, but fuck that.

[lost_and_foundry]

Warm and playful makes you sound like a kitten. Which is...adorable, actually. And maybe it fits a little; kittens have claws, after all, and you're certainly capable of defending yourself.

[lettersfrombel]

I'd at least hope I'd be an adult cat, rather than a kitten.

text, @brilliantretort

[lost_and_foundry]

Findal, I have to tell you about.
Uh, two somethings, actually but the first one is I thought you ought to know there's a drider in Caldera.

Not the sort we're used to, fortunately, but enough alike to be startling if you turn a corner and spot him.

Re: text, @brilliantretort

[lettersfrombel]

I... may have already seen him, in the tavern that new arrivals come in. And, yes, I did draw my knives. I'm probably lucky that I didn't get kicked out.

I'm sorry, I should have been the one to warn you. I wasn't sure if it was specifically drow upbringing that meant I thought he was our sort of drider, or just normal Underdark caution.

[Bel isn't sure of the time window here. It could be that the two events were close enough in time that he wouldn't have a chance.]

[lost_and_foundry]

Oh? Oh! Well, that's no problem. I mean, if he had actually been dangerous, a heads-up would have been important, but the more I talk to him, the more he just seems lost and scared.

I...did try to climb the questboard to get away when I saw him. Not my proudest moment. Spiders can climb far better than I.

Have you ever seen one? One of our sorts of driders?

[lettersfrombel]

Not up close. My hometown wasn't large enough to really have the sort of powerful people who draw the ire of the Spider Queen. One person becoming a drider was the sort of thing that people still talked about centuries later.

Didn't stop my next-oldest brother: Kyorlindraa, the one that became a wizard, of being terrified of becoming one. He really took to heart all the stories about powerful male wizards pissing off a high-ranking priestess or being deemed insufficiently loyal to Lolth.

When I was working as a caravan guard, we saw them occasionally outside cities, but they kept their distance as long as you stayed in a large group.

As for Olivine... well, I think he made it clear males of his sort don't visit the surface, so it's easy to be sympathetic, since both of us remember what that was like. It helps that he looks... well, like one creature, not what happens when a spiteful goddess adds spider parts to a drow

[lost_and_foundry]

I got a very good look at one, in the Shadow-Cursed lands outside Reithwin town. Luckily, he didn't see me. Or maybe he didn't care. It was weird; he was part of the cult of the Absolute, and I assume that meant he had an illithid tadpole in his brain. It's possible, even likely, that he wasn't the nicest person even before all that, but it seems terribly unfair to have been cursed twice.

But yes. I don't think Olivine even knows how to fight. I'm going to try to keep an eye out for him, when I can.

[lettersfrombel]

... And here I thought the silver lining of the transformation was that magic works differently on driders as opposed to drow. One would hope you'd at least get to be immune to mind flayer bullshit, after getting your body altered, your mind scrambled, and driven out from your home ans society

[Between Barcus and some of the others, Bel knows there was some illithid bullshit going on around Baldur's Gate recently, and it was resolved but it still is the sort of thing he finds troubling.]

Olivine did threaten to bite me, but only after I drew my knives. But that doesn't mean he can fight. I don't have a problem keeping my own eyes on him; I at least know more than most people about spider body language.

[lost_and_foundry]

It's an awful thought, isn't it? I suppose it's possible he chose to join the Absolute, but even at that rate it wouldn't have been a decision made with sound mind.

[Some people cannot be saved. At the time, Barcus didn't feel any compassion for Kar'niss at all, but in retrospect...yeah, he's a little sorry.]

We're in agreement, then. I'm glad. I'm sure he needs friends and we're the poster children for people from the Underdark being able to get along.

The other thing I wanted to talk about is...well. I'm sorry if I've been a little off the past day or so.

[lettersfrombel]

Was it just some bad days? I noticed you were upset, but I didn't think it was because of anything I did.

[Yes, Bel did need to consider it. He's very new to this 'romantic relationship' thing, and so is a bit nervous. On the other hand, Bel is also old enough to know that Barcus has a life outside of him, and things happen that have nothing to do with him.]

[lost_and_foundry]

Oh...! No, it was nothing you did, dear. I'm so sorry if I worried you at all.

Ashton and Orym and Dorian are all very much...official now? Inasmuch as any romantic relationship can be official, and of course I saw that coming a mile away, and I'm happy for them, but it does rather drive the point home that I'm not really...one of them. Is it weird that I wanted to be? Not that I want to be in a relationship with them all, necessarily, just to belong.

Then I started thinking about how the last time I felt like I was a part of anything resembling a family, I was nineteen years old, and then I got to wondering if I'm the entirety of the problem, and excessive soul-searching is exhausting.

I haven't come to any conclusions and I didn't want to come cry about it on your shoulder, you deserve better than that, but I suppose being honest about what's going on in my head is...the right thing to do?

[lettersfrombel]

Well, if you want a confession of my own, when I saw you four at the shibari workshop, I assumed they were opening up to let you in. And I was... jealous, I suppose. That they had that, and that you were getting that, and that maybe I wanted something like that. Not necessarily with them, though I like Ashton and Dorian... I haven't really spoken to Orym. But I thought I was being too greedy, since I had you, and my friends here, and everything.

I don't know about family. I think I still don't really understand what it means to non-drow, since I've just figured out the difference between 'belonging with' someone and 'belonging to' someone.

But given what you've built here in such a short time, I don't think you're the problem.

Does that help?

[lost_and_foundry]

[This is a shocking revelation to him. Perhaps there are a few remnants of prejudice left to clear from his head, because his instinctive assumption has always been that Bel is independent, like a cat. Strong enough on his own not to need anyone else, even if he enjoys the tenderness between them.

In the Underdark, drow have hierarchies, more so than families, at least if everything Barcus has heard is true. Bel broke free of all that, and the possibility that he might want something akin, but better...well, that shouldn't be a surprise. Who wouldn't? Who doesn't want a little corner where they belong, and can feel safe and accepted?]

Ashton likes you. He appreciated you teaching him to dance. And when we were buried in that cliff, he said something about how maybe the both of us could come to his world, with him and Dorian and Orym.

Granted, neither of us was thinking clearly at the time, we both had head injuries.

[This is rambling, mostly, to steady his mind while he wraps it around the paradigm shift Bel has confronted him with, but after those few words and a brief, confused silence, he gets up and tucks the bird in his pocket to come looking for Bel within the house and yard, needing to see him face to face.]

[text -> action]

[lettersfrombel]

[Bel is still thinking about his response to that, because at the moment planning for the future seems difficult -- he doesn't even know if something other than 'go home or stay here' will be an option, after all, and planning feels too much like an invitation to something to ruin them]

[He's seated in the living room, toying with the quill on his bird device, thinking about how to respond, if Barcus wants to speak to him in person.]

[lost_and_foundry]

[The gnome seeks him out and finds him quickly, much to his relief. He makes a beeline for Bel, climbing up onto the couch beside him and kneeling there as he reaches up to cup his face gently in both hands.] I'm going to try never to take you for granted, findal.

[And maybe he should have come to Bel to talk this over in the first place. After all, they both have the experience of having left the Underdark and had to adjust to the surface. They come from different backgrounds, but they comment on the parallels all the time. Small wonder if they feel the same way about certain things.]

I want you to belong with me. Whatever that means for you, we can...we'll figure it out together.

[lettersfrombel]

[At this point, Barcus can see how Bel's body language changes when Barcus approaches, just adjusting to make it more comfortable given their height difference.]

Thank you. Thank you for talking to me about it. I... probably wouldn't have said anything until you did. You know I'm not used to getting so much of what I want.

[lost_and_foundry]

Every time you say something like that it trips me up. [He strokes across his cheekbones with both thumbs, as soft a touch as an artificer could manage.]

The idea that I'm part of something you want. You seem so independent, but you always listen when I come to you. Will you come to me, too, when you need me?