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lettersfrombel13 Tarsakh 1492 DR
Emerald Grove
My dear River,
Yesterday was so eventful I didn’t have a chance to write. I am writing this as Master Gale prepares his spells (Shadowheart does hers at night before bed, but I may have to check if she did so last night). This will be a long letter, I’m afraid. I hope it is not also a boring letter.
I mentioned I had an idea to handle the goblins, and I did. I carry a number of poisons on my person, and there was a communal drinks caldron. I didn’t even need Master Gale’s invisibility spell. It is uncomfortable to do so after spending time talking to them, so I really should have done it in the first place. Only one goblin realized I was the likely suspect, which as much as I complain about my people’s reputation, I am shocked only one goblin caught on that maybe the drow was the one who poisoned the drinks and was smart enough to only look like he was imbibing (or to take the antitoxin — I’ll leave you to guess which I chose).
But it meant we didn’t have the camp to our back when we engaged in our little rescue and assassination. And the guards inside were deliberately ignoring the party, lest they die of envy. Naturally, a drow was perceived as a visitor to Minthara. Some of the goblins speculated we were actual blood kin. To spoil our meeting, we are not kin; it is hard to tell with Common, but she may be from Menzobezzaron, or another larger city. River, you’ve heard me speak in Elvish, and you know my accent changes when I’ve had a few drinks. That’s not just the lack of coordination; Mother insisted all her children, even the boys, learn how to speak ‘properly’, and I can’t keep it up when I’m drunk.
Truthfully, I wish we’d done some reconnaissance, but I couldn’t think of a good way to do so. It did not help that we knew there were several prisoners we also needed to free: the druid Halsin and Volo the bard, and we learned that another one of Halsin’s group had survived. The goblins were trying to locate the grove by torture, and either the young man was doing extremely well, or the goblins were extremely bad at it. And not in a comic way; this is the sort of thing where jokes either reveal you are a cruel person, or are in the ‘well, you had to be on the rack with me’ sort of dark humor. I was able to drive off the goblins by sheer reputation of the drow; I thought they were going to make me hit the man, so I said I was just there to watch, and they decided they had business elsewhere. Apparently they were worried that if they didn’t live up to my standards, I might try a demonstration on them. Which… there was an acolyte of Loviatar next door who had made his increasing frustration with goblins clear to them, and it probably did not help that they seemed tot think the man was some sort of carnival attraction.
Have you heard of that god, River? Another one of the ones that reputable people do not worship; the god of pain and most of her followers are exactly as unhinged as that suggests. Hence meeting one who had been invited to torture prisoners, and apparently self-flagellating as a hobby. I will say that for Loviatar’s followers: they will not do to you what they wouldn’t have done to themselves. That is a warning.
I… may have made a questionable decision, and unfortunately I was with Astarion and Shadowheart, who are either not adept at Babysitting Bel, as you call it, or else they just wanted to see a bit of show. Chatting with the acolyte made him pick up that something was bothering me, and while he was the one person not connected to this Absolute thing, I wasn’t going to tell him ‘I have a mind flayer tadpole in my head and am not charmed enough to think ‘this is fine’’, so he offered me his services to, ah, better manage my pain.
… No, he did not fuck me, River. He just hit me a bit. Without my armor, because no sense on that being damaged. It gave me a chance to actually scream it out, though I did have to remember to do so in Common with another drow running around. I can’t say I like feeling like my back lost some skin (at least until Shadowheart healed me), but it was cathartic, and apparently Shadowheart and Astarion enjoyed the show. I suspect Shadowheart’s amnesia meant I assumed she was younger than she actually is, and I have less practice with half-humans and their aging. I don’t really know how Wyll felt about it. I suppose better that he know now what kind of person I really am. Anyway, I suppose I have to apologize for telling you that I wouldn’t be into ‘whips and chains’ unless I was the one holding the whip.
Between that and the look at the Priestess’s mind and I think I understand how cults attract people in pain. And that I myself should be wary about such things. It is not something new; Mother had a way of making you feel that even the most intense pain was caused because she loved you and wanted you to be a better son.
Her faith did make it easier to convince her to talk to me alone so I could kill her without anyone noticing.
Maybe that’s why I absorbed the parasite on the advice of my dream friend. I might think Astarion is clinging to this without looking at the consequences, but when pressed, I made the same decision he wanted to. I don’t even have the excuse of having slipped the leash like he did.
Madame Minthara was a bit more paranoid, because she is one of our people. It was just like being back home. One of the first words out of her mouth to me was that even if we were both True Souls, I should not consider her my equal. (If you need the reference, River dear, the word ‘jaluk' is an insulting word for a male drow; Madame Minthara was making it quite clear that her new allegiance did not change her mind on the proper role of males.) She also called me… well, colloquially I’ll translate it as ‘piece of shit’, but that was after I told her I was here to kill her so I’m not insulted by that one. I actually didn’t kill her, because I wanted her to remember that a jaluk and some surface folk defeated and robbed her. The nice thing about enchanted armor is that it reshapes itself to the wearer, and she had some high quality work from the Underdark. You just don’t get good spider silk in most parts of the surface.
After that, we managed to find Master Halsin, who is a bear, and also can turn into one. Seriously, I didn’t know wood elves got that large and muscular. Once you enlist a bear on your side, you’ve lost the element of surprise, but you also don’t need it so the leader went down easily. Between our own observations and Master Halsin’s, those under control of the Absolute are infected with mind flayer tadpoles modified by magic. It prevents ceremophosis, but also allows the Absolute — whatever the hells that is, pretentious to godhood aside — to control them. He did observe that the transformation typically happens at Moonrise Towers, which seems to be the cult’s headquarters. A Zhentarim merchant also confirmed that the goblins were now sending most, if not all, of their living captives there. Our next destination, I suppose. Master Halsin was lucky he pissed off enough of the goblins they wanted him to die slowly rather than go with the other captives. Or else no one wanted to deal with transporting a shapeshifter.
It does suggest our sudden change the other night was due to blocking the Absolute’s influence over us, for good or for ill. Our unknown dream friend seems to be serving the same purpose, but that also suggests that he or she might also have the ability to enforce our agreement if persuasion fails, or might be doing something more subtle. Or else, he could just threaten to withdraw his protection if we do not do what he says.
But in the meantime, we could bring the tiefling refugees news that they could bid farewell to the druids without risk of dying on the road. Honestly, from how Madame Minthara talked, I suspect they would have been simply… caught in the middle between her religious conflict with the druids. Which doesn’t make a difference to the dead, but means that if the leadership had shown some discretion and offered to let the tieflings pass in exchange for the grove’s location, I might have never gotten involved and they would have won. Or at best, I would have just freed Master Halsin and let him sort it out with the goblins, and either fucked off to Moonrise Towers or finally follow up on Madame Lae’zel’s people.
The tieflings did decide because the day was late and we were the heroes of the hour, that tonight was celebrating that not everyone was going to die, and they threw us a party. Alfira, that bard I mentioned, promised to write a raunchy drinking song in my honor, and Mol was getting into the enterprising spirit by purloining some of the alcohol so she could ‘save the party’ when the booze runs out. Ten years from now, and that girl will be running half of Baldur’s Gate from the shadows.
Wyll wasn’t able to enjoy the party. Being in the wilderness where everyone in the camp was getting used to his new appearance meant this was the first time the Blade of Frontiers had to face the people he rescued with his new look. Zevlor thankfully knows enough about the Hells that he might have at least an inkling of what happened, but there is a visceral reaction. I offered that we could have our own party — and, no, River I did not suggest the party would be in my tent because I could read the room. If things had proceeded that way, I would have said yes and done my level best to give him an excellent and very distracting night. It is what I would have wanted in his position, after all. At this point, I am sure he knows and is flirting with me.
He accepted a kiss and sent me back to the party. He also said I have a heart and… I don’t know how I feel about this. If I had a bigger heart, wouldn’t I have noticed what I was driving my brother to before he left? Wouldn’t I have kept Nurgle with me rather than turning him over to a stranger based only on my gut feelings? River, he needs to understand who, or what, he is falling for. How can he judge a man he’s known for less than a ten-day? (Yes, I know, I am in the same position.)
I do wish you were here, my friend, even if I wouldn’t want one of these things in your head and having someone around whose brain could be eaten would be harrowing. I don’t know any of the others enough to get advice, and also they all suddenly seem to be very interested in my pretty drow ass so might have ulterior motives. Madame Lae’zel seemed ready to tear my clothing off and turn the party into a rather different affair, and she accepted my polite refusal as proof that my physical and mental perfection has the singular flaw of ‘has zero taste’. Do you think she would feel better if I told her the problem was that she was Madame Lae’zel? It’s only half-true: a young man turned on by me being covered in goblin blood and my own sweat wouldn’t be my type either, but I’d have considered it. She has enough of a way with words that I still might have considered it, though. It would have been a memorable experience.
Master Halsin has asked to travel with us to Moonrise Towers. There is a route across cursed lands, and one through the Underdark. I think we should take the Underdark; the monsters you know, after all. I haven’t been back in five years, so I hope it is not something one forgets. But if I don’t go track down Madame Lae’zel’s creche, it would just be my clothing she is tearing off.
Your incredibly sexy and desired friend,
Bel
From the Player:
Emerald Grove
My dear River,
Yesterday was so eventful I didn’t have a chance to write. I am writing this as Master Gale prepares his spells (Shadowheart does hers at night before bed, but I may have to check if she did so last night). This will be a long letter, I’m afraid. I hope it is not also a boring letter.
I mentioned I had an idea to handle the goblins, and I did. I carry a number of poisons on my person, and there was a communal drinks caldron. I didn’t even need Master Gale’s invisibility spell. It is uncomfortable to do so after spending time talking to them, so I really should have done it in the first place. Only one goblin realized I was the likely suspect, which as much as I complain about my people’s reputation, I am shocked only one goblin caught on that maybe the drow was the one who poisoned the drinks and was smart enough to only look like he was imbibing (or to take the antitoxin — I’ll leave you to guess which I chose).
But it meant we didn’t have the camp to our back when we engaged in our little rescue and assassination. And the guards inside were deliberately ignoring the party, lest they die of envy. Naturally, a drow was perceived as a visitor to Minthara. Some of the goblins speculated we were actual blood kin. To spoil our meeting, we are not kin; it is hard to tell with Common, but she may be from Menzobezzaron, or another larger city. River, you’ve heard me speak in Elvish, and you know my accent changes when I’ve had a few drinks. That’s not just the lack of coordination; Mother insisted all her children, even the boys, learn how to speak ‘properly’, and I can’t keep it up when I’m drunk.
Truthfully, I wish we’d done some reconnaissance, but I couldn’t think of a good way to do so. It did not help that we knew there were several prisoners we also needed to free: the druid Halsin and Volo the bard, and we learned that another one of Halsin’s group had survived. The goblins were trying to locate the grove by torture, and either the young man was doing extremely well, or the goblins were extremely bad at it. And not in a comic way; this is the sort of thing where jokes either reveal you are a cruel person, or are in the ‘well, you had to be on the rack with me’ sort of dark humor. I was able to drive off the goblins by sheer reputation of the drow; I thought they were going to make me hit the man, so I said I was just there to watch, and they decided they had business elsewhere. Apparently they were worried that if they didn’t live up to my standards, I might try a demonstration on them. Which… there was an acolyte of Loviatar next door who had made his increasing frustration with goblins clear to them, and it probably did not help that they seemed tot think the man was some sort of carnival attraction.
Have you heard of that god, River? Another one of the ones that reputable people do not worship; the god of pain and most of her followers are exactly as unhinged as that suggests. Hence meeting one who had been invited to torture prisoners, and apparently self-flagellating as a hobby. I will say that for Loviatar’s followers: they will not do to you what they wouldn’t have done to themselves. That is a warning.
I… may have made a questionable decision, and unfortunately I was with Astarion and Shadowheart, who are either not adept at Babysitting Bel, as you call it, or else they just wanted to see a bit of show. Chatting with the acolyte made him pick up that something was bothering me, and while he was the one person not connected to this Absolute thing, I wasn’t going to tell him ‘I have a mind flayer tadpole in my head and am not charmed enough to think ‘this is fine’’, so he offered me his services to, ah, better manage my pain.
… No, he did not fuck me, River. He just hit me a bit. Without my armor, because no sense on that being damaged. It gave me a chance to actually scream it out, though I did have to remember to do so in Common with another drow running around. I can’t say I like feeling like my back lost some skin (at least until Shadowheart healed me), but it was cathartic, and apparently Shadowheart and Astarion enjoyed the show. I suspect Shadowheart’s amnesia meant I assumed she was younger than she actually is, and I have less practice with half-humans and their aging. I don’t really know how Wyll felt about it. I suppose better that he know now what kind of person I really am. Anyway, I suppose I have to apologize for telling you that I wouldn’t be into ‘whips and chains’ unless I was the one holding the whip.
Between that and the look at the Priestess’s mind and I think I understand how cults attract people in pain. And that I myself should be wary about such things. It is not something new; Mother had a way of making you feel that even the most intense pain was caused because she loved you and wanted you to be a better son.
Madame Minthara was a bit more paranoid, because she is one of our people. It was just like being back home. One of the first words out of her mouth to me was that even if we were both True Souls, I should not consider her my equal. (If you need the reference, River dear, the word ‘jaluk' is an insulting word for a male drow; Madame Minthara was making it quite clear that her new allegiance did not change her mind on the proper role of males.) She also called me… well, colloquially I’ll translate it as ‘piece of shit’, but that was after I told her I was here to kill her so I’m not insulted by that one. I actually didn’t kill her, because I wanted her to remember that a jaluk and some surface folk defeated and robbed her. The nice thing about enchanted armor is that it reshapes itself to the wearer, and she had some high quality work from the Underdark. You just don’t get good spider silk in most parts of the surface.
After that, we managed to find Master Halsin, who is a bear, and also can turn into one. Seriously, I didn’t know wood elves got that large and muscular. Once you enlist a bear on your side, you’ve lost the element of surprise, but you also don’t need it so the leader went down easily. Between our own observations and Master Halsin’s, those under control of the Absolute are infected with mind flayer tadpoles modified by magic. It prevents ceremophosis, but also allows the Absolute — whatever the hells that is, pretentious to godhood aside — to control them. He did observe that the transformation typically happens at Moonrise Towers, which seems to be the cult’s headquarters. A Zhentarim merchant also confirmed that the goblins were now sending most, if not all, of their living captives there. Our next destination, I suppose. Master Halsin was lucky he pissed off enough of the goblins they wanted him to die slowly rather than go with the other captives. Or else no one wanted to deal with transporting a shapeshifter.
It does suggest our sudden change the other night was due to blocking the Absolute’s influence over us, for good or for ill. Our unknown dream friend seems to be serving the same purpose, but that also suggests that he or she might also have the ability to enforce our agreement if persuasion fails, or might be doing something more subtle. Or else, he could just threaten to withdraw his protection if we do not do what he says.
But in the meantime, we could bring the tiefling refugees news that they could bid farewell to the druids without risk of dying on the road. Honestly, from how Madame Minthara talked, I suspect they would have been simply… caught in the middle between her religious conflict with the druids. Which doesn’t make a difference to the dead, but means that if the leadership had shown some discretion and offered to let the tieflings pass in exchange for the grove’s location, I might have never gotten involved and they would have won. Or at best, I would have just freed Master Halsin and let him sort it out with the goblins, and either fucked off to Moonrise Towers or finally follow up on Madame Lae’zel’s people.
The tieflings did decide because the day was late and we were the heroes of the hour, that tonight was celebrating that not everyone was going to die, and they threw us a party. Alfira, that bard I mentioned, promised to write a raunchy drinking song in my honor, and Mol was getting into the enterprising spirit by purloining some of the alcohol so she could ‘save the party’ when the booze runs out. Ten years from now, and that girl will be running half of Baldur’s Gate from the shadows.
Wyll wasn’t able to enjoy the party. Being in the wilderness where everyone in the camp was getting used to his new appearance meant this was the first time the Blade of Frontiers had to face the people he rescued with his new look. Zevlor thankfully knows enough about the Hells that he might have at least an inkling of what happened, but there is a visceral reaction. I offered that we could have our own party — and, no, River I did not suggest the party would be in my tent because I could read the room. If things had proceeded that way, I would have said yes and done my level best to give him an excellent and very distracting night. It is what I would have wanted in his position, after all. At this point, I am sure he knows and is flirting with me.
He accepted a kiss and sent me back to the party. He also said I have a heart and… I don’t know how I feel about this. If I had a bigger heart, wouldn’t I have noticed what I was driving my brother to before he left? Wouldn’t I have kept Nurgle with me rather than turning him over to a stranger based only on my gut feelings? River, he needs to understand who, or what, he is falling for. How can he judge a man he’s known for less than a ten-day? (Yes, I know, I am in the same position.)
I do wish you were here, my friend, even if I wouldn’t want one of these things in your head and having someone around whose brain could be eaten would be harrowing. I don’t know any of the others enough to get advice, and also they all suddenly seem to be very interested in my pretty drow ass so might have ulterior motives. Madame Lae’zel seemed ready to tear my clothing off and turn the party into a rather different affair, and she accepted my polite refusal as proof that my physical and mental perfection has the singular flaw of ‘has zero taste’. Do you think she would feel better if I told her the problem was that she was Madame Lae’zel? It’s only half-true: a young man turned on by me being covered in goblin blood and my own sweat wouldn’t be my type either, but I’d have considered it. She has enough of a way with words that I still might have considered it, though. It would have been a memorable experience.
Master Halsin has asked to travel with us to Moonrise Towers. There is a route across cursed lands, and one through the Underdark. I think we should take the Underdark; the monsters you know, after all. I haven’t been back in five years, so I hope it is not something one forgets. But if I don’t go track down Madame Lae’zel’s creche, it would just be my clothing she is tearing off.
Your incredibly sexy and desired friend,
Bel
From the Player:
One of my conceits about Bel, that I've mentioned, is that he is from the middle of nowhere, so he sounds like the drow equivalent of a Texas rancher or Southern US plantation-owner: upper-class, but from from a part stereotyped as somewhat backwoods and uneducated. Bel's mother would tear out her hair if she found out about what Bel did to Minthara without finding out more that they might be able to sell or use to make connections. Like, Minthara is clearly apostate unless this Cult of the Absolute thing is a plot by Lolth, but that is still useful.
(Also realizing that given Bel was taught to code-switch early on, and has a crapton of social skills, he probably does it to some extent in every conversation he has. So talking to goblins means he's picking up goblin slang, for instance.)
So, internet told me to bring Astarion and Shadowheart along with the scene with the cleric of Loviatar, and, yes, that was worth it. Bel isn’t quite sure what the difference is between ‘religious ecstasy’ and ‘getting off on this’. (Either way, Bel is a lot more comfortable with a man doing this.) Continued with Bel’s trend with Astarion, if given the choice, he probably would respond with something like ‘he can lick his lips if he likes, but licking me might be a bit much at the moment’.
[CW: BDSM: intersection of BDSM with gender roles and compare/contrast of BDSM with abuse in a sexual relationships]
Bel is slightly embarrassed that he was kind of in to the whole ‘getting beat by a cleric of Loviatar while his new friends watched’ thing. Not the pain, mind you — Bel has learned he’s not actually a masochist — but some of the trappings. See my notes about ‘Problematic faves’ in a prior letter about the drow. Bel knows most depictions of Lolth-sworn culture are… lurid. As in, a certain class of fetishists on the surface probably latch on to the depiction of a priestess of Lolth holding a scourge and wearing a small amount of spider silk and leather. And while Bel might not have all the vocabulary to explain it, it’s not much fun when you know you can’t safe word out. Hence why people who don’t realize the fantasy *is* a fantasy (or assume the drow wants to hear about your fetishistic depiction of some fucked up shit about his culture).
He appreciated that the cultist wasn’t making any assumptions about him because he was a male drow, just ‘you look like you have been through some shit, child, perhaps I can help?’ And that he would have made the offer to any other member of the party, and was clearly comfortable with the idea that someone else might be using that scourge on him. Like, Bel knows this guy is in the ‘fine with torture as well as BDSM’, so is not a good person, and his main objections are that goblins are not subtle or appreciative of the nuance of pain. (Bel overheard the conversation when the goblins torturing the prisoners decided to go bother the acolyte of Loviatar and it was fucking hilarious. Bel appreciates the goblins’ utter artlessness as a contrast to drow making everything an art form.)
But it annoys Bel that he appears to fall into a stereotype of drow masculinity that gets off on being dominated, even though the things that were appealing to him was the catharsis of feeling like he could show ‘weakness’ (read: actually show he was in pain and even ham it up) and get praised for it, which is in no way something people associate with drow masculinity. Also, if the cleric was female, there was no way in all the Planes Bel would have consented unless as part of a larger plan. Some random guy thinking he has potential as a disciple of Loviatar is probably fine, if requiring Bel be mindful that this sort of high is how cults recruit.
From a meta point of view, giving the more evil gods’ followers enough nuance to see how someone gets into worshipping Shar, or Loviatar, or whoever beyond ‘power’ or ‘was raised in a cult’ helps. Like, Bel thinks that Shadowheart is wrong about everything bad about Shar being Selunite lies, but he also thinks that given who Shadowheart is without her memories is not particularly cruel, she needs some reason to be loyal to Shar beyond ‘she grants me spells if I do what she says’. (Bel would say ‘oh, just become a warlock’, except that didn’t work out so well for Wyll. The moral of the story is ‘do not accept power from anyone you can’t stab’.)
Ignore the fact that Bel is also doing harrowing things to his own brain using powers he doesn’t understand because the Absolute scares him.
(Aside: if Bel ever finds out his younger sibling is alive and a divine spell caster, you will get to see him try to give a shovel talk to Eilistraee via prayer. Yes, Bel knows he cannot meaningfully threaten a god with a crossbow and ‘I have a shovel and friends who will help me hide the body’, it is the principle of the thing. Eilistraee is also probably appreciative of a drow who is willing to fight God for his outcaste sibling, even if directing any of that rage at her is misaimed.)
The strikes are usually when Bel writes something and thinks better of it. He nearly struck out what he wrote about not killing Minthara, but then he remembered his friends were quite happy to accept 'being an asshole to Bel because he's a male drow' as 'reasonable that Bel got angry', and Bel didn't think he did anything that crossed any lines.
(Bel does realize that the vibe of a man removing an unconscious woman's armor -- especially as BG3 then defaults to 'character is in underwear, rather than armor padding or clothing' -- can play different on the surface even if he had at least one woman present. Granted, it was Lae'zel so she was mostly confused why Bel didn't just kill Minthara, but if he was going to have some kind of irrational non-gith reasons for sparing her, taking her weapons, armor and shoes away is just common sense.)
The big question I was toying with during the party was ‘would Bel self-sabotage and go have sex with Astarion because he thinks Wyll is too good for him’. Because at this point, if we’re just talking sex, Bel would jump all three male party members and Halsin in any combination and order they agreed with, because Bel appreciates the male human (or elven) form and is also very thirsty. Bel just also has a crush on Wyll, and having just confessed that he’s kind of into him, so going off with Astarion on the same day is kind of a mixed message. It doesn’t help that Bel has really only had casual relationships at this point, so he has no idea on how to navigate ‘this guy might not be into casual sex, if I want to try dating, at what point do I suspend my casual sex?’.
In the end it was a meta decision: I wanted to lock in getting Wyll's romance quest started, so I just went to bed.
